Marriage can be a wonderful blessing, but it takes a great deal of work. Both parties involved should place the same amount of effort into the relationship to have a truly loving marital bond. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, since 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. While the reasons may vary, cheating is a common end to many marriages. If your spouse has had an affair, you may be considering divorce, but saving your marriage is possible. Of course, it will take a great deal of time, effort, and compassion to forgive your spouse. Using this guide on forgiving a remorseful spouse, you can repair your marriage after an affair.
Give Yourself Time
You will experience many emotions after learning your spouse has had an affair, so it is important to understand that real forgiveness will take time. You need this time to process your emotions and feelings, so do not rush the forgiveness process.
Do not allow your spouse to pressure or force you to get your marriage back to where it was before you found out about the affair. Communicate your feelings with them so they understand that forgiveness is not an act, but a process.
Remain as Calm as Possible
Anger, sadness, and jealousy may be prominent emotions you feel after learning of the affair. While normal, these emotions can wreak havoc on your daily life, causing physical and emotional stress.
If you want to repair your marriage, you will need to forgive your spouse for causing you to feel these emotions. During this process, you should let go of the anger, sadness, and jealousy and try to remain as calm as possible.
Don't Take the Blame
Cheating occurs for many reasons. You may believe you are in a happy or content relationship with your spouse, so the affair may come as a complete shock to you. While surprising to learn, recent studies showed that 56 percent of men and 34 percent of women who had affairs claimed to be in a happy marriage.
Your spouse may have cheated for different reasons, but none of these reasons stem from something you did or didn't do. Never take the blame for your spouse's affair. This will help you forgive your spouse easier, which will help you repair your marriage.
Repair the Marriage Together
Your spouse may have cheated, so they will need to put in a great deal of work to receive your forgiveness. As they are working on receiving your forgiveness, you can work on giving it. Complete forgiveness will require the work of you and your spouse, ensuring a healthy repair of the marriage. To get started on repairing your marriage together, you will need to find the root of the problem.
There is an underlying reason why your spouse felt the need to leave the marriage to be with another person temporarily. As stated earlier, it is not your fault, but there is an issue that should be addressed and resolved. Here are a few ways to get to the root of the issue:
- Communicate – You and your spouse should have detailed conversations about your feelings and expectations for the marriage. Healthy communication is key to a happy marriage, but it is even more important when infidelity is involved.
- Counseling – Unfortunately, arguments may occur while communicating your feelings, so consider meeting with a professional marriage therapist. A counselor can become your referee, preventing heated conversations that do not solve problems.
- Date Each Other – While it may be difficult, try to remember why you fell in love with one another. Schedule weekly dates with one another, but avoid discussing the affair on your date night. Focus only on the love that you share for one another.
Forgiving your remorseful spouse after an affair is possible, but it will take some time and effort. Using these tips, you can work towards forgiveness and repair your marriage. For more help and advice, contact a company such as Drake Counseling Services.